How often do you find yourself worrying, fretting about something over which you seem to have no control? How much does that rob you of living in the moment, and just trusting that everything will work out. It may not work out how you were planning, or how you would choose, but rarely are the things we worry over really that substantial when looked at as part of the bigger picture.
We worry over money. Depending on your situation, it can be "how in the world am I going to pay all the bills and still put groceries in the cupboard" or "we really want to take a nice vacation but it's not in the budget" or "should I increase the percentage I'm putting away for retirement or what I'm putting away for my kid's college fund". In the long run it generally works out. If you are living paycheck to paycheck, it may not be pleasant, but there are solutions that will keep you from starving or having the water turned off. When you're old and your kids are grown, are they going to remember that you went camping instead of to Disney? Financial planners will probably say plan for your own future before your kids, but I think that one's a personal decision. Regardless, in the worrying you rob yourself of enjoying the moment, and I firmly believe there is the opportunity for joy in every moment and situation.
We worry over work. Why? Is that really the most important thing in your life? If so, I feel sorry for you, because either you don't have any people worth your time or you have the people but don't recognize it. Don't get me wrong, it's important to work hard and do your best regardless of what your job is, but it shouldn't be the driving force in your life. When you take your work home with you (literally or figuratively) you deprive yourself of the ability to relax and recharge; you miss sitting on the deck, or reading a book for pleasure, or watching a ballgame. Whatever the problem, it will still be there in the morning.
We worry about our kids. We want the best for them. We want them to have a better, easier time in life than we had. We want to protect them from being hurt. While all of this is proper to a point, we can't control every moment of their lives. And we shouldn't try to control it, not if we want them to grow into healthy, self-sufficient, productive people. They need to struggle, they need to figure things out on their own, they need to work for what they want, they need to learn that everything will not always go their way, and they need to get hurt but know that they will recover. Be there for them to ask questions and to give support but don't try to fix it all for them. You'll both be better for it, and you'll be able to enjoy the process of them growing up a lot more when you ease off a little.
We worry about the little things. Is the house clean enough? Do my neighbors think my yard is the worst kept one on the street? Am I exercising enough and eating healthy enough? Does my mother-in-law think I'm a bad wife? Am I a terrible mother because I let my daughter's room be messy? Am I a terrible mother because my son thinks I'm mean for not letting him run around with his friends after dark?
The answer to all these questions is another question: does it really matter? Unless there is garbage piled up in every room and black mold growing in every crevice, your house is clean enough. If you can still see your toddler's head above the weeds, your yard is okay. If you make an effort to get your heart rate up a few times a week, whether from yard work, riding a bike, taking the stairs instead of the elevator, or walking the dog, and if you skip the burger and fries for a turkey sandwich sometimes, then you're probably not doing too bad. If your husband is happy with how you approach the marriage, then who cares what his mom thinks. No woman will ever be good enough for her baby boy. If your daughter is not embarrassed to take her friends into her room, then it's not too messy. If your son doesn't think you're mean at some point in his life, then you may indeed be a bad mother because you're probably not setting enough boundaries.
My whole point? Don't worry. I know, easier said than done, and I find myself falling into worry at times. But then I remember to sit back, take a deep breath, and ask myself if any of this is really going to matter in six months, one year, five years, ten years. Is God really going to throw more at me than He and I can handle together? Is my worrying going to do anything to solve the problem? I remember a couple of my favorite verses from Scripture:
"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" Matthew 6:27
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34
When we worry we not only prevent ourselves from enjoying the life we have and everything in it, both good and bad, but we tell God that we don't trust Him. He promised to give us everything we need, and when we worry we're saying that we don't really believe that. So, live in the moment, trust that it will all work out, and accept that you aren't in control of every moment.
This is the attitude that I recently have adopted for my life. It reflects the idea that I shouldn't always be wanting more, or the next best thing, or whatever else seems shiny and new and better than what I have. It's accepting that I am where I am for a reason and a purpose. I may have made decisions along the way that led me to here, but if I am secure in knowing that I made those decisions prayerfully and purposefully, then I am where God wants me. For now.
It's not always easy, but the easy way is seldom the one that gets you where you want to be. I will admit that there are times that I wish my house was a little nicer, or that I could do more to help out my kids, or that God would work faster in His plans for me (that's the biggest one). But I have to be patient and know that all this is for my good.
I don't need a bigger house, and I don't need fancy, I just need to care for what I have. My kids have my love and support, and I have helped them financially as I am able, and they have grown into adults who know what it is to struggle sometimes and work hard rather than have everything handed to them. And God is still working on me. He has plans for me, I believe that with all my heart. He has given me a heart for those less fortunate, and has shown me that I am needed to increase His Kingdom here on earth, and is using me in ways that may seem small to me but that may be huge to someone else.
So, my point is, I am content with where I am right now. But I'm not complacent about thinking this is all there is. I don't have to settle for the here and now if I truly believe God wants more from me and from His people. I don't have to accept that there is evil in the world and there's nothing I can do about it. I don't have to settle into that rut and let life and its opportunities pass me by. I can be satisfied with what I have but also be aware that there may be more out there and be ready to accept whatever I am called to do, wherever that may be. In fact, I should be constantly striving to determine what that is, constantly examining whether I am fulfilling my potential, and constantly working to make this world a better place.
After a hiatus of I don't even want to acknowledge how many months, I am back to writing. I have many excuses for why I've neglected this for so long, none of them good.
There have been changes aplenty in our little corner of the world in the last 10 months. Where to begin? How about with I'M A GRANDMA! We knew last summer that a little bundle would be joining our family, courtesy of Jerry and Jessica, but that's it. Well, beautiful little Jemma Nicole arrived safe and sound on February 12. She is a happy, healthy, chunky little girl, and everything everyone told me about being a grandparent is true. She is one of many joys in my life.
Amy and Andrew are still going strong, after a year and a half of dating and almost five years of being friends. They no longer make the drive between Ravenna and Cincinnati every few weeks, however. That would be thanks to the amazing job opportunity he got last December. He is working as an athletic trainer for the Cincinnati Reds...in the Dominican Republic. Apparently almost every major league team has a team down there to evaluate and develop prospects from Latin America. While Andrew got his degree in athletic training, he wasn't sure that's what he really wanted for his career. And, honestly, he probably still isn't, but this opportunity is one that doesn't come along twice, and very few trainers ever get the opportunity to work for a professional team. There is a lot of possibility for moving up in the ranks, so he's taking this year of being far from family, friends, and familiar foods and hoping it leads to more. Of course, that means he and Amy are now in a very long distance relationship. Thanks goodness for technology that allows them to still talk daily and see each other's faces, although that's not anywhere close to the same as actually being with someone. Which is why she's on her last day of a week-long visit. Oh, the rough life of these kids. He watches people play baseball for a living, and she's spent the last week sitting on the beach.
Amy finished up her first year at Kent State, with one more year to go. Summer classes start in a couple weeks. Next May, after 6 years, 3 schools, and 3 majors, she will graduate with a degree in exercise science. She has blossomed and grown so much in the last couple years. I am beyond proud of her and the way she has picked herself up from some pretty hard knocks life threw at her. The child I once worried would flunk out of college was upset last week because she barely missed making dean's list for the first time ever. Thank you, Lord, for working in her heart and getting her turned around.
My life has probably changed the most since I last wrote. I was just re-reading all my posts from last summer, and I am amazed looking back at how so how many things were right there, at the tips of my fingers, and on the tip of my tongue, and in the corners of my heart & mind, just waiting for things to come together. As I've said before, it's all in God's hands, and part of His plan. The restlessness, the dissatisfaction with work, the need to do something different, all of those make sense now. And it all came about from a God-incidence.
I was registered for a women's retreat through my church last fall, and had been looking forward to it for a while. The week before the retreat I came down with a stomach bug and missed three days of work. Right up until a few hours before I was to leave on Friday, I really didn't think I was going to make the trip, but I plowed ahead. Wow! By the end of Saturday, I knew why God pushed me to go, and why Satan had prodded me not to. Suffice it to say that God had something to say to me that weekend, and I was finally quiet enough and obedient enough to listen to Him and say "Okay, whatever You want me to do, I'll do it." Being an engineer hasn't been enough for me, because it's not enough for God. He's calling me to more, and I'm still not sure how, when, or where He's going to use me, but I'm praying and exploring the options that are laid before me. I've had the blessing of being able to cut back my work hours to three days a week, dedicating the other two days to whatever God wants. It's the best decision I've ever made in my life, and the last few months have been amazing. More on that in another post.
So, that's the update on where I've been, what's been going on, and a tease about where I'm going. I won't let another ten months go by before the next one. Here's hoping you'll stick around.
